Maybe if I list all the horrible things that have happened to me since I returned home the bad luck fairies will leave me alone...a bulleted list:
*My storage unit was robbed.
*I got conjunctivitis in both eyes.
*I got a cold sore on my lower lip.
*My daughter has a cold and cough.
*I have a cold and am getting the cough.
*I got charged an extra $100+ for a subscription I thought I cancelled.
*My child support payments are screwed up.
*My daughter broke one of our Christmas ornaments last night despite me telling her a million times it was glass and would break. (possibly my fault for having it at all).
*I left out the milk (just bought the day before) on Thanksgiving while making green bean casserole and just realized it Sunday night (yummy).
*I tripped in my kitchen this morning and now my foot and ankle are both bruised and swollen.
*My personal laptop seems to be still suffering from the virus it had before I left for vacation.
That might be it...I'll add more if I've forgotten something.
I am going to try to start being thankful now.
Monday, November 30, 2009
Monday, November 9, 2009
Like a butterfly
I constantly feel like I'm transforming. I realize that's not a terrible thing. In fact, I kind of like change (is that blasphemous for a human to admit? Aren't we supposed to hate it?). It makes me giddy sometimes. BUT sometimes I just want to BE. To sit still for a few seconds and enjoy.
I think that's part of what's holding me back in my current relationship. I like him. I have fun as "us." Part of me wants to move in together, but that means I'll be transforming into something else. No longer a "single mom" - something I've been longer than I was a wife (yeah, I officially passed the divorced longer than married point). And then this part of me says but but but what if he wants to have another kid right away? What if we just keep moving forward and never stop to figure out what's going on NOW. How can I just stop time and be here?
In the last ten years I went from college student, to engaged college student, to engaged adult (although now I look back on it and consider myself more of a pseudo-adult), to jilted adult, to new-relationship adult, married adult, married mom, divorced single mom, dating mom (scary, really quite frightening), in-a-relationship but still living independently of him mom...am I really ready to add another stage in this short period of time? (Yikes, when did 10 years become a relatively "short period of time" in my life?)
Musing done.
I think that's part of what's holding me back in my current relationship. I like him. I have fun as "us." Part of me wants to move in together, but that means I'll be transforming into something else. No longer a "single mom" - something I've been longer than I was a wife (yeah, I officially passed the divorced longer than married point). And then this part of me says but but but what if he wants to have another kid right away? What if we just keep moving forward and never stop to figure out what's going on NOW. How can I just stop time and be here?
In the last ten years I went from college student, to engaged college student, to engaged adult (although now I look back on it and consider myself more of a pseudo-adult), to jilted adult, to new-relationship adult, married adult, married mom, divorced single mom, dating mom (scary, really quite frightening), in-a-relationship but still living independently of him mom...am I really ready to add another stage in this short period of time? (Yikes, when did 10 years become a relatively "short period of time" in my life?)
Musing done.
Tuesday, September 29, 2009
Marriage to a 4-yr-old
In response to DJs talking on the radio
ANNYKA (4-yr-old): Mom, Do you want to marry someone else?
ME: Yes, I think I do. Do you know anyone I should marry?
ANNYKA: No, I can’t think of anyone.
ME: You can’t think of any men you think I should marry?
ANNYKA: No, just pick someone.
ME: Yeah, that seems like as good of an idea as any. [but I probably shouldn't tell my boyfriend that]
ANNYKA (4-yr-old): Mom, Do you want to marry someone else?
ME: Yes, I think I do. Do you know anyone I should marry?
ANNYKA: No, I can’t think of anyone.
ME: You can’t think of any men you think I should marry?
ANNYKA: No, just pick someone.
ME: Yeah, that seems like as good of an idea as any. [but I probably shouldn't tell my boyfriend that]
Monday, August 17, 2009
A day of doubts
Sometimes I need the reminder. Sometimes I need someone to say “…It’s okay that you’re still single…It doesn’t mean anything is wrong with you…It doesn’t mean that you will always be single…it probably means that when you do start dating the right guy it’s more likely to work out because you waited for him…” blah blah blah.
I know that this is a tough time of year for me. My birthday has been for the last several years. It seems like holidays are supposed to be spent with your family and I have plenty of that, but birthday are supposed to be spent partying with your favorite peers…I’m not sure I have so many of those that really care. Do most people have to plan their own birthday parties, or is that just me?
Am I happy for my friends that got engaged last week (2)? Yes. Does it hurt that one of them just got divorced earlier this year and I’ve been divorced over three? Yes. Is it okay for me to admit that? I don’t know.
Am I soooo excited to get two new second cousins (ETA: make that three) in a few months? Very much. Am I heartbroken that I want another child so badly, but that it may be too late by the time I find that guy up in paragraph one? Yeah, more than you know.
Do I feel horribly guilty about these feelings? You betcha. Should I? Don’t know. Is this just human?
I know there’s a possibility I’ve found him.
Enough doubting myself for today. Maybe now that these questions and doubts are out there, they’ll stop bouncing around in my head.
I know that this is a tough time of year for me. My birthday has been for the last several years. It seems like holidays are supposed to be spent with your family and I have plenty of that, but birthday are supposed to be spent partying with your favorite peers…I’m not sure I have so many of those that really care. Do most people have to plan their own birthday parties, or is that just me?
Am I happy for my friends that got engaged last week (2)? Yes. Does it hurt that one of them just got divorced earlier this year and I’ve been divorced over three? Yes. Is it okay for me to admit that? I don’t know.
Am I soooo excited to get two new second cousins (ETA: make that three) in a few months? Very much. Am I heartbroken that I want another child so badly, but that it may be too late by the time I find that guy up in paragraph one? Yeah, more than you know.
Do I feel horribly guilty about these feelings? You betcha. Should I? Don’t know. Is this just human?
I know there’s a possibility I’ve found him.
Enough doubting myself for today. Maybe now that these questions and doubts are out there, they’ll stop bouncing around in my head.
Friday, August 14, 2009
Did you read it?
I feel like I'm spinning my wheels.
Do people really think I send out work emails just because I enjoy doing it? Can anyone follow written instructions? Seriously? Didn't we learn that in first grade? I want to put a sign up on my desk that says "Just read what was sent and let me get back to work." Or maybe the slightly more snarky: "What did the directions say?" I'm not in the mood today.
More than once someone has said "I don't remember getting your email..." actually I know you got it, you just didn't bother reading it. I'm glad the things I say seem so insignificant to everyone else.
I think I need some sleep, or hard liquor. blech.
Do people really think I send out work emails just because I enjoy doing it? Can anyone follow written instructions? Seriously? Didn't we learn that in first grade? I want to put a sign up on my desk that says "Just read what was sent and let me get back to work." Or maybe the slightly more snarky: "What did the directions say?" I'm not in the mood today.
More than once someone has said "I don't remember getting your email..." actually I know you got it, you just didn't bother reading it. I'm glad the things I say seem so insignificant to everyone else.
I think I need some sleep, or hard liquor. blech.
Tuesday, August 11, 2009
Why I recommend...
...divorce
* You'll learn who your friends are.
* You'll learn who YOU are. Make decisions for YOU. self-discovery, new hobbies, etc.
* Your relationship with sex will (can) change.
* You will learn how strong you really are.
* You get the whole bed to yourself. Cereal for dinner whenever you want.
* You get a second chance on life.
Disclaimer: NO, of course I'm not recommending divorce. I'm just looking on the bright side and examining the positive things I gained from my own hardship.
* You'll learn who your friends are.
* You'll learn who YOU are. Make decisions for YOU. self-discovery, new hobbies, etc.
* Your relationship with sex will (can) change.
* You will learn how strong you really are.
* You get the whole bed to yourself. Cereal for dinner whenever you want.
* You get a second chance on life.
Disclaimer: NO, of course I'm not recommending divorce. I'm just looking on the bright side and examining the positive things I gained from my own hardship.
Saturday, August 1, 2009
Give me the strength...
I'm in a lot of pain this morning (it is still morning, right? yup, it's only 10:30). I was so looking forward to a night out with the girls. I didn't have to drive home so I had four mojitos, spread out over about 4 or 5 hours. By the time I got home, I could barely walk.
A couple years ago (sometime after my daughter was born) I started noticing that occasionally when I drink I get what looks like a rash on my legs and feet. But it wasn't a rash. It wasn't raised, it didn't itch and it was more like a change in the color of my skin. A year ago, for the first time it became painful. Along with the red dots along my legs and feet, I also had some serious swelling and aching.
While I was training for my half marathon I stopped drinking for several months and I think I've drank about 4 times this summer. Last night by the end of the night, I had cankles as bad as when I was pregnant and painful swelling in the entire lower half of my legs. It only seems to happen when I drink. WTH is that all about?
Unfortunately I'm still in pain today and my normally very nice legs are not very pretty either :( So I'm going to have to make some changes...again. And I'm kind of pouty about it.
A couple years ago (sometime after my daughter was born) I started noticing that occasionally when I drink I get what looks like a rash on my legs and feet. But it wasn't a rash. It wasn't raised, it didn't itch and it was more like a change in the color of my skin. A year ago, for the first time it became painful. Along with the red dots along my legs and feet, I also had some serious swelling and aching.
While I was training for my half marathon I stopped drinking for several months and I think I've drank about 4 times this summer. Last night by the end of the night, I had cankles as bad as when I was pregnant and painful swelling in the entire lower half of my legs. It only seems to happen when I drink. WTH is that all about?
Unfortunately I'm still in pain today and my normally very nice legs are not very pretty either :( So I'm going to have to make some changes...again. And I'm kind of pouty about it.
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