Monday, November 30, 2009

Knock on wood

Maybe if I list all the horrible things that have happened to me since I returned home the bad luck fairies will leave me alone...a bulleted list:

*My storage unit was robbed.
*I got conjunctivitis in both eyes.
*I got a cold sore on my lower lip.
*My daughter has a cold and cough.
*I have a cold and am getting the cough.
*I got charged an extra $100+ for a subscription I thought I cancelled.
*My child support payments are screwed up.
*My daughter broke one of our Christmas ornaments last night despite me telling her a million times it was glass and would break. (possibly my fault for having it at all).
*I left out the milk (just bought the day before) on Thanksgiving while making green bean casserole and just realized it Sunday night (yummy).
*I tripped in my kitchen this morning and now my foot and ankle are both bruised and swollen.
*My personal laptop seems to be still suffering from the virus it had before I left for vacation.

That might be it...I'll add more if I've forgotten something.

I am going to try to start being thankful now.

Monday, November 9, 2009

Like a butterfly

I constantly feel like I'm transforming. I realize that's not a terrible thing. In fact, I kind of like change (is that blasphemous for a human to admit? Aren't we supposed to hate it?). It makes me giddy sometimes. BUT sometimes I just want to BE. To sit still for a few seconds and enjoy.

I think that's part of what's holding me back in my current relationship. I like him. I have fun as "us." Part of me wants to move in together, but that means I'll be transforming into something else. No longer a "single mom" - something I've been longer than I was a wife (yeah, I officially passed the divorced longer than married point). And then this part of me says but but but what if he wants to have another kid right away? What if we just keep moving forward and never stop to figure out what's going on NOW. How can I just stop time and be here?

In the last ten years I went from college student, to engaged college student, to engaged adult (although now I look back on it and consider myself more of a pseudo-adult), to jilted adult, to new-relationship adult, married adult, married mom, divorced single mom, dating mom (scary, really quite frightening), in-a-relationship but still living independently of him I really ready to add another stage in this short period of time? (Yikes, when did 10 years become a relatively "short period of time" in my life?)

Musing done.