Wednesday, November 24, 2010

I found something to be thankful for...

Okay, in reality I have tons of things to be thankful for like:
Food and ability to provide enough of the good-tasting, nourishing kind to my family
A home that I love
People and pets in that home that I love
A significant other who is supportive despite my crazy health issues lately
Smart, caring, healthy kid(s)
A job I enjoy
Etc etc etc

But today I found something to be excited about. Every year I like to have a special day with Annyka in December to celebrate the holidays. I usually take a day off and we'll do something together. In the past we've spent the day at the Children's Museum; an evening at the zoo; last year was going to see the Nutcracker. I hadn't thought of anything this year. When Annyka gets a little older I would like to go to the ISO's Yuletide Celebration and Beef & Boards Christmas, but I'm not willing to spend a ton of money on something she won't sit still for!

So last night I decided...I'm taking her to paint a Christmas ornament at a pottery studio! I wish I could take both her and Wilson together, but I'll probably have to take Wilson another day since we never have them at the same time. We'll pick somewhere she wants to eat for dinner and make a day of it. I'm excited about this and can't wait to put it on the calendar!

Another doctor's appointment; another uphill battle

The good news is that its not entirely my fault that I weigh nearly 200 pounds. My thyroid is way off again - as I suspected. Thankfully my new doctor is working with me on it now, unlike my previous doctor who shrugged me off TWICE when I told him I think my dosage needs to be adjusted. I'm working through a lot of anger over that now. I have three pairs of pants that fit me. It's a challenge getting dressed for work in the morning and feeling good about myself. I'm so frustrated that I feel like this could have been prevented if someone had just listened to me SIX MONTHS ago. The bad news is that I have no idea how I'm going to get this weight off once my thyroid is stabilized.

The other test results I got back were also negative although Scott's really trying to convince me that it's "good" news. After two rounds of cryotherapy to kill abnormal cells in my cervix, I am still showing abnormalities. I'm being referred to a specialist. I realize we're still in a very preventable pre-cancerous stage, but it's like one more smack in the face - one more medical (and financial) challenge I have to face right now.

I KNOW that its in my best interest to eat healthy, get enough sleep (although it seems impossible most of the time - 10 hours doesn't seem to be cutting it), exercise, etc. But it's really tough when it doesn't seem to matter what I do. I've taken good care of my body. I don't drink, I don't smoke, I've never done recreational drugs, I run, I drink tons of water, I sleep...and still my body seems to hate me. What is the point of trying so hard to be good? I'm really struggling through the Anger and Depression stages of grief right now.