Wednesday, February 23, 2011

Love & stuff ... Day 10

I gave myself a Bare Minerals makeover this evening. No way can I spend a half hour on my makeup every morning (I'm not sacrificing sleep for that!), but it does look good and I think it'll be pretty easy to use once I get the hang of it. Of course, I also don't have to use every product every day like I did today either.

So here's before...this is my normal every day no-makeup me (at about 7 pm):


And here is me after Bare Minerals foundation, eye color, mascara and lipstick


I don't really want to admit how much better I look ... I know I look tired everyday, but I don't want to be someone who has to "put my face on" to go out. I live a far too active life for that crap. So now, like everything else in my life, I look for the balance.

Oh, and just for's is a picture of the wild kiddo in her after-school outfit - shorts, tank top and leg warmers and coat on top for outside playing. She was pretending to be a cheerleader and for reason she was cheering for Kentucky. Her dad would be proud.

Tuesday, February 22, 2011

Love project Days 6-9

Ooooh I'm a bad blogger ... not blogging everyday. Sorry about that.  A quick update:

Chemotherapy kicks my ass. Granted, I know it could be way worse. I'm not nauseous. I'm not losing (much) hair. But it is exhausting. I take my drugs on Friday night and I will sleep hard for at least 10 hours that night...and the next night...and sometimes take two long naps on Saturday. This past Saturday I only got about 8 hours of sleep the previous night and I felt out of it all day. Thankfully Sunday I was feeling better.

I had lunch with my kiddo at school today. She was soooo excited - and so were many of her classmates. After that lunch, I am sooo thankful for the child I have and the "upbringing" (not my favorite word, but it works) she's had. Compared to some of those kids in her class she sits so still and quiet! I don't know how much of that is my work; her preschool's work; or just her nature, but thank God for it! She is also relatively neat (but you wouldn't know it from her room). Some of these kids clothes are so stained ...and I would guess some of it is just from that day! I successfully got Annyka to try a bite of celery and she ate half of a banana in addition to her whole slice of pizza. My biggest struggles with her are over food. She just doesn't eat enough.

And for the record, even though I've been a lazy blogger, I have not been lazy overall! I have worked out each day. Saturday was only about 15 minutes of stretching and core work, but it was something. Yesterday I ran on the treadmill. Have I mentioned I hate the treadmill? Because I HATE the treadmill. But I did it. Today...we'll see when I get home.

I'll get a photo up this evening.

See this...

That's my "core." It's okay right now, but traditionally my midsection is not something I've struggled with so I want it to be better...stronger, slimmer, tighter. So that was the focus of today's workout. We'll see what happens.

Saturday, February 19, 2011

What day am I on again? .... Day 5 (Friday 2/18)

I have a love-hate relationship with jeans. I am a jeans person. I am comfortable in them...well when I can find a pair that fits me. And that is the hate part. Are jeans that fit this difficult for everyone? For them to not be tight, they pretty much seem to be too big at the waist. If they fit my waist, I can barely zip them because of my hips. If they fit my hips, they're big and gappy at the waist. And then of course we have the length issue. My legs are about 6 inches long (only exaggerating a little) so I can only buy from a couple stores and can't ever get any of the trendier styles. Currently the two pairs that fit me "best" right now are both cut off since they were too long.
The parts I they get more comfortable with time; how you can make the right ones dressy or casual; and that my rear tends to look pretty nice in jeans.

I did do something else yesterday for ME and only ME. I finally decided to get Bare Minerals makeup. I am now waiting for it to arrive in the mail. Oh and lastly; I RAN on Friday! Like on my feet outside on the sidewalk and no ankles collapsed. :)

I didn't manage to get around to taking any pictures yesterday - alternate Fridays are always a little busy for me. Work, rushing to pick Annyka up and take her to meet her dad in eastern Indiana, then back home for a late dinner in Indy and Scott and I usually spend the evening together since he works too much on weekends now.  So sorry no Friday picture. I promise I'll have something for Saturday.

Thursday, February 17, 2011

Running out of song 4

I'm tired. I need more sleep (7-8 hours/night is not enough for me any more). I'm having trouble concentrating. I forgot my gym bag so no lunch time run for me today  - yeah, I was going to attempt 1.5 miles. First run since November. I think my ankle is ready now that there are fewer obstacles (read: ice) on the sidewalks. But I will somehow get a workout in tonight. Maybe I'll add to this posting later today...maybe not. We shall see, eh?

Me, tired, at work...and evidently with a stray bit of hair sticking out of the side of my head. 

Wednesday, February 16, 2011

The Glory of Love ... Day 3

I REALLY didn't want to work out today. I fell asleep while the kids watched Nanny McPhee and it's hard to get up and workout after that. But I did. It's done. Yay me.

Today I also went to the dentist. The past year or so I've struggled with gingivitis. I flossed the way I was taught and still - no difference. At my last appointment, four months ago, the hygienist recommended a Waterpik. I bought one. AND for Christmas Scott got me a Sonicare toothbrush as my "big gift." I suppose I could have taken that as an insult if I were a critical sort, but I love it. My teeth feel smooth all the time. And the hygienist today said "wow, really white" and "look how tight your gums are around your teeth!" So glad we're seeing improvement. So here it is...a little piece of me for today - my big ole chompers:

Maybe my favorite part of me.

Tuesday, February 15, 2011

Love 2

I realized something last night. It's not so much a body image issue that I have. When I look in the mirror, I don't dislike what I see. I'm actually pretty comfortable with myself naked. What I struggle with, is how my clothes fit me. I hate the way they look on me. The way they pull in certain places and are tight in others.

But I'm not quite sure how to fix it just yet. I did my "balance trainer" workout today so maybe that will help...but maybe it won't. Maybe I'll feel stronger and healthier, but my body won't change. Then what? Maybe it's like pregnancy where you might wear the same size as before, but your body is a different shape. I guess we'll just see.

Me and Lucky Cat are going to hang out and watch some TIVOed shows. As Annyka makes me say every night: "I love you; See you in the morning; Good night."

Monday, February 14, 2011

All I need is love...Day 1

Day one was a good day. Annyka and I spent time making projects - her 100th day of school project and paper hearts for her friends.
We made a special dinner for Scott - turkey tenderloin with ravioli, homemade marinara, mushrooms and green beans with chocolate brownies with cream cheese filling for dessert.

And then I did my new The Firm Balance Trainer video while kiddo watched Cats & Dogs. 
Here's me today post workout (see the sweat?)...I'm kind of hoping my abs hurt tomorrow!

A new challenge...Happy Valentine's Day!

I am tackling a new 30-day project today…but, Nicki, you do that all the time. Yes, that’s true, but today I’m going to document it all on this blog. With…wait for it…pictures. Of me.  

I feel like I’ve lost me. The last time I lost me, it was a completely different situation and a divorce and the two years after are what finally brought me back. Now, it’s my own fault. I can’t blame a bad marriage or mate. Well, not entirely my fault, a big part of it has to do with my health. 

Finding out I’m not the healthy person I want to be is tough. I want to be invincible, with nothing worse than the occasional (AND fixable) sinus infection. But I’m not and that is hard for me to wrap my brain around.  A little over a year ago I decided on my own that I don’t want to have any additional children. Pregnancy was tough on me and I would like the opportunity to enjoy my own adulthood without children before I (hope) to have grandchildren. However, making that decision on my own is one thing, having a doctor tell me I may not have the choice, is entirely another. 

In the past year or so I’ve also gotten away from taking photos of me. I have very few. This is an exciting time in my life. Annyka and I are in the place I’ve wanted to be for the past five years, but I’ve barely documented it because I’m ashamed of me. So I’m going to stop that. 

There’re many pieces to my loss and grieving, but a big part of it is the giving up of control.  So I plan to take it back. And I will do that in two ways. 

1.       I will take on a self-conceived fitness challenge.  I will be working out every day for 30 days. I dreamt of running last night, but unfortunately because of my still-weak-from-Thanksgiving-sprain ankle, I’m not quite ready for outdoor running yet (not with this stupid ice), but I may tackle the treadmill this week. Some days I might do my new balance disk workout; some days might be medicine ball; some days dance; others at the gym, but I’m doing something each day and hope to see some kind of change in my body during that time.But even if I don't lose weight, I want to like the body I do have more.

2.       I also pledge to become more affectionate towards Scott during this time. I’m not going to go into detail on this, but I do care for him and I’ve struggled to show that lately. 

My goal during all this is appreciate me more. Who I am now…not necessarily who I was two years ago. After my divorce I had to learn to love who I was and photos helped me get there. I had to look at myself as others did. I hope to do that again. 

So today is the day I start. My first post will be next. Happy Valentine’s Day! I love you; thanks for reading.