Wednesday, November 24, 2010

Another doctor's appointment; another uphill battle

The good news is that its not entirely my fault that I weigh nearly 200 pounds. My thyroid is way off again - as I suspected. Thankfully my new doctor is working with me on it now, unlike my previous doctor who shrugged me off TWICE when I told him I think my dosage needs to be adjusted. I'm working through a lot of anger over that now. I have three pairs of pants that fit me. It's a challenge getting dressed for work in the morning and feeling good about myself. I'm so frustrated that I feel like this could have been prevented if someone had just listened to me SIX MONTHS ago. The bad news is that I have no idea how I'm going to get this weight off once my thyroid is stabilized.

The other test results I got back were also negative although Scott's really trying to convince me that it's "good" news. After two rounds of cryotherapy to kill abnormal cells in my cervix, I am still showing abnormalities. I'm being referred to a specialist. I realize we're still in a very preventable pre-cancerous stage, but it's like one more smack in the face - one more medical (and financial) challenge I have to face right now.

I KNOW that its in my best interest to eat healthy, get enough sleep (although it seems impossible most of the time - 10 hours doesn't seem to be cutting it), exercise, etc. But it's really tough when it doesn't seem to matter what I do. I've taken good care of my body. I don't drink, I don't smoke, I've never done recreational drugs, I run, I drink tons of water, I sleep...and still my body seems to hate me. What is the point of trying so hard to be good? I'm really struggling through the Anger and Depression stages of grief right now.

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