Friday, July 31, 2009

The well has run dry

So I've been dating for about three years. Three long, sometimes fun, sometimes painful years. Although I met my share of boys and men when I was a younger gal, I never did much dating. I was in high school and college. You didn't date. No one had money and instead you just sent your friends on covert (or not so covert) missions to find out if the guy you liked might be interested. Then you meet up at a party or other gathering. Not much true dating involved. I did ask a few guys to dances my freshman year and one to a play (ah Cory Kloehne, my cute, fluent in German friend). And my college sweetheart did take me to dinner at Chi Chis for a first date, but those are about the only ones I remember that fit into the awkward getting-to-know-you-how-do-I-act dating category.

Then I got divorced at the age of 27. That high school and college way of meeting guys just does not work anymore.

I have a few options: 1) bar hop and pick up guys hoping that one of these drunken encounters will develop into more. I don?t have a lot of confidence in this as this is how I ended up with my ex-husband (that and rebounding from aforementioned college sweetheart-cum-fiance). 2) Beg or hope my friends and family will set me up. I'm actually open to this, but so many of my friends and family are so far removed from the singles scene, it doesn't seem to be working. The one blind date I went on that was set up in this manner had less than stellar results (but that's what happens when the person doing the setup tells one party the other is spiritually "lost" and indicates she needs to be saved). 3) Being out and about enjoying life: participating in events, getting involved in organizations, etc. I do my fair share of this, but it has resulted in ZERO so far. Or 4) online dating. So this is where the majority of the men in my life have come from in the last few years. I have my opinions on why this works or not (maybe I'll share those later). Anyway, now that I've jabbered on for a while, here's my point:

I seem to have cycled through all the single men in the metro area. I can think of 5 or 6 different sites I have used to meet people at some point in the past three years and now the same guys are popping up on new online dating sites. And they don?t seem to remember that they have chatted with me before. Maybe this is really my fault for having a good memory. Plus there's also the guys who are on the same site that are contacting me for the second or third time and don't act like they know they have contacted me before. That worries me. It makes me think maybe they just throw everything up on the wall until something sticks - that they message every female just to see who will respond. I'm a lot more selective about who I will message.

So I guess I hoping the latest man in my life will make all this obsolete. I really don't like the playing the field game. The guessing sucks the most. I don't like a lot of uncertainty in my life. I'd rather know what to expect.

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