Friday, January 7, 2011


Yesterday the doctor's office called. They want me to come in for an appointment regarding my cholesterol. Evidently my doctor thinks I have unlimited funds to just come in and chat every other day. But whatever, it's not like I'm not getting used to going to one doc or another each week.

Last night I had a dream. I was back in school - at Franklin College. There were people there that I went to high school with, grew up with and went to Ambassador with (but I don't remember any FC friends in the dream). And in one part of my dream, my teacher told me that I was on track to reach my goals (which is kind of a reference to work), but that she wanted to talk to me about my blood test results.

This leads me to believe part of the reason I am so frustrated about this most recent medical development, is because I feel like I'm failing. Somewhere deep inside me, I must feel like I should have been able to prevent all this crap that has been going on in the last couple years. That it's my fault and I should be able to prevent it and control it and since I can't, I have failed. I was finally starting to feel less anxious, less depressed, less .... whatever about my health, but I feel like I'm backsliding now. It might be time for some counseling (oh good, another set of appointments) to help me deal with the emotional side of my physical health. Sigh.

No comments:

Post a Comment