The Missing Connection

Repost: originally written October 17, 2006

For those of us that are single and sexual, most of us are searching for something. Some of us know what that is, some of us have no idea. Some of us pretend we are happy being single, finding our thrills with whomever we can. Pretending sexual flattery is enough of a connection to keep up happy. I'm done kidding myself. I know that's not enough. I realize I've only been single for 7 months and I've only really been playing the field, so to speak, for about 3 months. I had my fun and now I'm looking for a connection. But unfortunately that connection isn't as easy as many of us wish it was (but that's what makes it so fabulous when you finally find it).

I think I've realized what is missing in the connections I've made so far. The ideal connection to me would be made up of three major factors:

• Physical--the most basic and often the easiest to find. This is usually the inital connection, but it isn't enough to last. Its fun to feel and great to know you have the power to make this connection, but oh so fleeting.

• Emotional--this is when that person makes you laugh and smile and makes you feel all warm inside. I know I've found this when I want to do nice things for another person to make them feel special. I want them to think of me as a friend as well as be attracted to me. But because I tend to smile and laugh easily so this isn't always a challenge either.

• Intellectual--this to me is what I have been missing. It encompasses a lot, and its hard to find. If I don't find this within a relationship, the relationship starts to lose meaning for me. I don't feel challenged and I start to look elsewhere for this connection. I want someone who will discuss books and movies and issues; can understand debate is not about anger, but growth; is willing to consider new points of view; has morals, but also has his own beliefs (not just those that have been fed to him) that support those morals. I don't know that I have ever truly found this in a person that I also have the physical and emotional connection with. My "soulmate" would have this quality.

The benefit of meeting people that I have spoken to online first is often that I have had the chance to find out if there is much of an emotional or intellectual connection before fully exploring the physical, but as a sexually charged 20-something-year-old, it doesn't always matter because at some point the physical always comes into play! So I guess now, I'm looking for someone who can fit all these criteria and I now know I shouldn't settle. I could go by the checklist I put together before, but really regardless of all those things, if I don't feel the connection in these three areas, everything else is useless.